Week 1- How long, O Lord?

My first week at Hands and Feet in Grand Goave is complete and the start of my second is here. The week started out rough in the traveling here. I will be the first to go on the record and say that I loathe the Port Au Prince airport. Don't go by yourself unless you have thick skin. A team came in the same day I did so I was able to do basically a mission trip with them. They were great people and was so thankful to meet them. A few things that we did was just painting around the orphanage mostly then one day went up to the new location about a mile up the road and helped lay the concrete for the foundation...by hand! We literally made long lines and we passed buckets with concrete down the line. It was brutal but so much fun to work with the Haitians on that. No one knew what each other was saying but somehow there was order and understanding...I love when that happens. The team left out Friday morning and to be honest, I so wanted to go home with them.

I am in a really dark place right now. I have had more downtime than I am use to and that gives me more time to miss everyone at home. I don't feel a calling here anymore and truthfully didnt at about a month before I left. I am praying that God will comfort me and its not happening...at all. I am in the word multiple times daily and although I am reading what I know to be true, I just dont feel it at the time. I dont feel like I can be used here. The language barrier is more difficult than it was the first time I was here. My head pounds at the end of each day I think from concentrating on them speaking and trying to understand. The joy that I experienced the first time is not here and that was something I didn't expect. I am an emotional ticking time bomb and when I feel a meltdown I head to my room which takes time away from me being with the kids. The kids are great and the missionaries (Angie and Andrew) are phenomenal! If it wasnt for them and Angie listening to me breakdown, I would be home right now.

I didnt expect things to be easy. I knew I would be up for a fight in knowing why I am here but I also felt like I could feel the comfort from the one who sent me here. Last night I was able to skype with my care group back home. You guys are awesome and I truly did not realize until this week how blessed I am to have people that I can be completely honest on where I am in my life...no matter how high or how low I am. They gave me verse after verse to confirm that I am where I am supposed to be although I don't feel that. I wish I could remember who gave me this one because this is exactly how I feel:

Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him," lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

This week I am hoping to start a Bible study with the girls...I hope for 2 nights a week. I want to take the relationships here deeper and I cant think of a better way. Pray this is well received with the girls!

I want to enjoy it here and be used but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...I have such a long way left to go! This week is a new week and this morning is a new morning. Please pray for strength...I am all out! Thank you for all the encouragement you have given me so far...it means more than you know!

LB


Me and Emmanuel...Sweet boy!