Happy New Year from Haiti!

These kids don't mess around when they celebrate the new year! Singing praise songs with maracas and whistles...Wonderful! I am taking a breather. Hashtag for it would be #loudasallgetout. Dinner was a weenie roast with s'mores...Like being at home!

Hope you all have a wonderful New Years! So thankful to start this year off like this!

LB

T Minus 3 days!

Three days until take off! I leave out at 6am on Saturday and the reality of this is setting in. I have no idea how to even begin to put in words all the emotions that are running through me right now. Sad, nervous, scared, excited...just to name a few. I am so sad to leave my family and friends right now its not even funny. I am nervous just because I guess of the unknown. I know once I actually get to Haiti I am going to be in the same mind frame that I was in when I came back. Part of me wishes I wouldn't have waited 5 months to go back because I feel like some of the momentum has died down but I know this is God's timing and that is perfect. I guess its human to lose momentum if its not something you are emersed in but it was definitely something I didnt think I would ever forget. One of my favorite quotes is by C.S. Lewis in The Weight of Glory "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambitions when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.". I am like the ignorant child right now...and I have even experienced that joy in Haiti before! Not saying that my family and friends aren't that important but that God's plan is so much bigger than all of that. I am an idiot! I have the worlds worst memory but I definitely remember everything that I thought when I was in Haiti and when I came home but I cant remember that emotion. If I could currently feel that, I believe it would override the sadness, nerves, and worry. Like we say at church, I am "walking in the light". Being transparent. I will be the first to say, following God can be so hard! I still have no idea what my gifts are that will be used at this point and not a clue what all God is going to do. That is something that is exciting to me right now. Not to mention a completely new chapter in my life. Eighteen weeks really is not that long and I know that at the end of it all, I am going to wish I had more time there.

Today was a sweet Christmas Day. This was the first year I can honestly say I did not want anything materialistic...although mom and Pa gave me new garden boots...its my equivalent of a Michael Kors watch or something. Mud will look great on these boots! But all joking aside, I loved being with the family. The kids are loud and sometimesI get cranky but I am still thankful for the chaos! I definitely think I reflected on that more this year than ever because of me going to Haiti.

I would appreciate any prayers you have time to pray for me. I have a way of making a joke out of anything to avoid sadness or something serious but I am not even able to do that at this point. Please pray that God will just give me grace that I would go whole-heartedly, not even have a chance to miss home, and complete what he is sending me to do. 

LB

Thank you thank you!!!!

I am so blessed to be able to say that you all have funded my mission to Haiti! You all are awesome and I am so thankful God has surrounded me with strong supporters of spreading the gospel! I know what a sacrifice you all made in order to give so generously and I cannot thank you enough!

Now that everything is fully funded and there is no longer the need for anyone to donate money. In the next week I will be getting together a list of other needs that I will be able to take with me for the kids at the orphanage or the missionaries as well as just a few items I need that you may have lying around your house! I will be updating again in the next week or so....so be on the look out!

Thank you again to everyone who financially supported this!

O me of little faith...

 Matthew 6:25-34
²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸ And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹ yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

³⁴ “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I should know this scripture by heart. Heard it a million times but I am by far the biggest worrier alive!

This is a picture of my home. I am so thankful for this little house on a hill. We just found out that this house is pretty much covered for the time I am in Haiti thanks to refinancing…Thanks to my mom's hard work on that! Deep down, I was SO worried about what was going to have to happen in order for the house to get paid for…just as He promised, God has totally come through. One of my favorites songs is by M. Ward called "Save Me". Amazing that I know this song by heart but I never remember it when I need to. Basically he talks about how God does all these beyond amazing things (a breath is enough to fill a sail, shifting in his "sleep" makes an earthquake, turns the night to day) but then goes on to say "so how much effort could it possibly take to save me?". Amen! All the doors opening and shutting that are so big to me is such a piece of cake to him. I don't see the reason for worrying just everything that says not to worry. I don't know if its more of me thinking, "He CAN'T work this out" or "He WON'T work this out"…a lot of both. Either way, I am way underestimating not only His power but His grace. I have lived in this house for 5 years almost but before that, I lived not even 3 miles from here. I have literally lived in Whites Creek my whole life with maybe 75% of my family within a 3 mile radius. What an adjustment Haiti will be! 

I don't want everything to seem like its been super easy and no struggle at all. Honestly, everything that is here that needs taken care of has been easy. Emotionally prepping for Haiti, on the other hand, has been a definite struggle the last 2 weeks…almost solid. I have had a constant thought that I am not qualified to go and spread the gospel in Haiti and that I am being set up for failure. Last Sunday was the worst day I have had in a very long time. The kind of day where its beautiful outside but everything I did seemed to be off a little. I was paranoid for no reason, I woke up in a bad mood, went to church and put a smile on my face but was not ok. During the sermon I was all ears when Pastor Ray spoke about how we are not good and not deserving of God's love mercy and grace. I zoned out when he spoke about how although thats true, the gospel is that Christ loves us SO much that he took everyones place and died a perfect death and conquered the grave so that he could shower us with love, mercy, and grace and STILL be able to use us for his glory. So difficult to understand that kind of love. There is no doubt that the funk I was in and the zoning out was the devil trying to do anything he could to get in the way of spreading of the gospel. Its amazing that I am one person going, and the devil doesn't even want one person to spread the good news. He knows himself how powerful God is. That God is able to use even one person in a huge way that I am hopeful will destroy Satan's strong hold in Haiti and all over the globe. I can't wait to see how God uses this loved, unqualified person! 

October Update!!!

  

I'm going to have to say that the theme of this Haiti mission is definitely that God is the     ultimate problem solver! Every time something has come up that I think is for sure going to keep me from going to Haiti, God's totally got it covered! Two pretty miraculous things have happened that I just want to share.

First-I received a call last week from one of the guys in charge of global missions at church letting me know that Immanuel would love to help support me in any area that they can! What a blessing to know that an entire church is so supportive and willing to do what it takes to get me one step closer. Just for the record…Immanuel is literally #1 when it comes to cheering on each other (especially when it comes to something like this). I cannot even count how many people have sent me random text messages and emails of encouragement…I am so blessed to even know them!

Second-Since I received the confirmation that I am going to Haiti, my car has been in the back of my mind. Silly…since it's only a material thing. I have been thinking…ok, I can sell it if I need to…BUT…I will definitely need a car when I get back and I am months away from paying it off. I really didn't want to have to sell it. For a while now, calling the credit union my loan is through has been on my mind. Last week I finally bit the bullet and called. After explaining my situation to the lady and letting her know its ok if she thought I was being completely ridiculous for even asking, she asked if I could get my request in writing so she could present it to the board.  I immediately typed it up and put it in the mail.  She called back the next day and said that they were willing to do whatever they could to help out!  WHAT?!?!?!? She said they could treat this like they do for the military when they go on tours and such by cutting my payments in HALF! Amazing! 

To see God so obviously working is CRAZY in the best way! Not only has he provided these things but he has also provided time with my family that I usually have to miss out on because of work on the weekends. The last 2 Friday nights, I have been able to spend the night with my nephew and new little niece and spend most of the weekends with the whole family.  I don't know where this time is coming from but I am so thankful for every minute. I boohooed the whole way home last weekend when my nephew said he was sad that I had to go home…that kid knows how to get to me. 

Here's where I am as of now. I am still in need of support in all areas. I am definitely feeling your prayers..Thank you…and keep it up! Health insurance has been the most recent issue to come up. Since I am having to quit my job for this, I will no longer be covered once I leave…prayer that an affordable and decent health plan would be great! It is almost daily that something new comes up that needs working out. No doubt that God's got it taken care of already but I still would appreciate your prayers.  

My financial need is still a big one! I have received support already but I am definitely in need for more to cover the cost of my stay. A gigantic THANK YOU to everyone who has been so generous already! AND an even bigger thank you to Josh Brown! He is printing the support letters for me! You rock!

Love Triangle

Pa & Judd at the WWII ship…What a fun day!

Anslee holding Lillie Anne..gosh she is growing!

Lack of Joy=Lack of Mission

Sheevens gives great hugs…Cant wait for more!

I listened to a podcast by Tim Keller on Missions just 2 weeks ago.  Man, it is good!  If you are like me, you like knowing you have purpose and you are being used.  For years, I have searched for my "purpose" in life.  After trying to achieve what I thought would bring me happiness, and filling voids I hoped this world could fulfill, I never experienced joy.

  Tim Keller points out 3 features of missions:

1) Result of mission is ALWAYS joy. 

2) Power for mission is an encounter with God.

3) Requirement for missions is holiness.

The one that stuck out to me most was the first one.  The result of mission is ALWAYS JOY.  Lack of joy in your life is a lack of mission.  In other words, mission is a necessity for joy.  He says if you have lost joy, you are living a life for self and small ambitions. 

Since listening to this sermon (and a conversation I had with some ladies from church before I went to Haiti in the first place), I have thought about it over and over!  One of the most uncomfortable things for me to do (ever) is to ask for money.  You can ask my parents… I hate it!  But this message really got me thinking.  We are all called to do mission and we all have the same side effects from mission…JOY! Not everyone is called to do foreign missions, but some of us are.  I would love for everyone to be a part of this plan of God's in some way.  First,  I need prayer!  As I said in the first blog,  its really the only thing I have had from the start of this process and I will need more of it!  Prayer for even the things that I don't know to pray for!  Second, I need community…yes, even thousands of miles away!  Some great friends at church mentioned to me that they would love to start getting together and praying maybe once weekly now, and while I am there!  That is community at its finest and I want more of that!  And finally, (here goes) financial support.  Unfortunately, mission is always costly and requires a lot of sacrifice…indication that its worth it!  If you feel like you would want to be a part of this mission in any of these areas, I will very greatly appreciate it!  

The wonderful people at the Hands & Feet Project have set me up on a website that makes it easy for anyone who wants to support me financially.  Just go to this link: 

http://www.handsandfeetproject.org/sponsor-a-missionary     

You will be able to choose to make a monthly or one time payment.  

I still have no idea why God would choose me of all people to go so far to serve, but I am so thankful his plans are not mine…He has brought me a million times more joy since being back from Haiti, than I ever did in 26 years…I can only imagine what is to come!  And he is still going to use me! I say this to the ones that think they could never be used!  God loves and uses the "unusable"!

I'm moving to Haiti!!!

I'M MOVING TO HAITI!!!

4:00AM leaving the sweet kids at Hands and Feet

So, back from Haiti and I could not miss it more!  This a picture is the last that I was able to capture while we were leaving.  This very moment is when I realized, I had to go back.

The Lord did so much to my heart during this trip, but has continued to do so much more since I have been back.  My worship, prayers, and thought has completely changed over the weeks.  My eyes were opened to so much that needed to change in myself and that was incredibly humbling.  I realized how much I live for myself and every decision I make with only myself in mind.  In Haiti I have never felt more unattractive.  I was sweaty from the time I woke up, through most of the night when I slept.  My hair was always nappy.  I wore extremely dirty clothes  2 and 3 times in a row. But at the same time, I have never been happier.  Loving on these orphans who have had nothing but letdowns and abuse since birth, was the best feeling.  I completely forgot about myself and it was so easy to do this with the 31 kids. They not only know they are safe but that they are SO loved by Christ and the people around them.

My heart broke when we left.  I hate a broken heart!  But this was one that had to happen for me personally.  On one of the flights back, I was listening to my iPod and a song came on that I had listened to over and over but this time it struck me totally different.  Every word was exactly what my heart felt.  One line more than anything grabbed me; "Why don't you break my heart till it moves my hands and feet".  I realized that the Lord allowed my heart to break so that I would do something!  Something not for myself.  He is so kind to allow us to experience heartbreak when it is for his glory and our good.

So, this brings me to the reason I am blogging.  Not only is this a way for me to keep friends and family up-to-date on the road of going back to Haiti, but the thought of one unbeliever coming to Christ by hearing his goodness just in my life makes my storytelling all worth it!  I want to go ahead and say that I have possibly the worst grammar and spelling…please don't judge me!  To think that I have to learn another language when I am in Haiti makes me laugh…I barely speak good English!

UPDATE! Here is where I am as of now with my "journey" back to Haiti.  I emailed one of the missionaries less than 48 hours after being back in the states asking when could I come back and for how long…and if there was even a need for me there.  She responded and was beyond encouraging and comforted me by basically telling me I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I felt.  She emailed an application, and took about 3 weeks to hear back.  I AM GOING BACK!  The dates have not been determined but I will be there for 3 to 4 months I think.  As far as what I will be doing…great question!  I wont really know until I am settled in but I will be helping the missionaries do whatever they need help with.  What are my expectations you ask?  I hope to have a better vision of where God wants me long term…I am so open to being there full time…I just want to see what way I can serve best and where.  Prayer has been the most important thing for me throughout all of this.  There is so much that I will need to have taken care of while I am gone, but God has more than proven his faithfulness already so I have no reason to worry!  What a relief!  

I am so excited to see where God puts me and how he uses me.  Nothing about Haiti is what I thought I would ever be passionate about.  The joy, when I was there, was unlike anything I have ever experienced...and I long for that again!  That kind of joy only comes from the Lord!  I'M MOVING TO HAITI!!!!! 

LB