Lack of Joy=Lack of Mission

Sheevens gives great hugs…Cant wait for more!

I listened to a podcast by Tim Keller on Missions just 2 weeks ago.  Man, it is good!  If you are like me, you like knowing you have purpose and you are being used.  For years, I have searched for my "purpose" in life.  After trying to achieve what I thought would bring me happiness, and filling voids I hoped this world could fulfill, I never experienced joy.

  Tim Keller points out 3 features of missions:

1) Result of mission is ALWAYS joy. 

2) Power for mission is an encounter with God.

3) Requirement for missions is holiness.

The one that stuck out to me most was the first one.  The result of mission is ALWAYS JOY.  Lack of joy in your life is a lack of mission.  In other words, mission is a necessity for joy.  He says if you have lost joy, you are living a life for self and small ambitions. 

Since listening to this sermon (and a conversation I had with some ladies from church before I went to Haiti in the first place), I have thought about it over and over!  One of the most uncomfortable things for me to do (ever) is to ask for money.  You can ask my parents… I hate it!  But this message really got me thinking.  We are all called to do mission and we all have the same side effects from mission…JOY! Not everyone is called to do foreign missions, but some of us are.  I would love for everyone to be a part of this plan of God's in some way.  First,  I need prayer!  As I said in the first blog,  its really the only thing I have had from the start of this process and I will need more of it!  Prayer for even the things that I don't know to pray for!  Second, I need community…yes, even thousands of miles away!  Some great friends at church mentioned to me that they would love to start getting together and praying maybe once weekly now, and while I am there!  That is community at its finest and I want more of that!  And finally, (here goes) financial support.  Unfortunately, mission is always costly and requires a lot of sacrifice…indication that its worth it!  If you feel like you would want to be a part of this mission in any of these areas, I will very greatly appreciate it!  

The wonderful people at the Hands & Feet Project have set me up on a website that makes it easy for anyone who wants to support me financially.  Just go to this link: 

http://www.handsandfeetproject.org/sponsor-a-missionary     

You will be able to choose to make a monthly or one time payment.  

I still have no idea why God would choose me of all people to go so far to serve, but I am so thankful his plans are not mine…He has brought me a million times more joy since being back from Haiti, than I ever did in 26 years…I can only imagine what is to come!  And he is still going to use me! I say this to the ones that think they could never be used!  God loves and uses the "unusable"!

I'm moving to Haiti!!!

I'M MOVING TO HAITI!!!

4:00AM leaving the sweet kids at Hands and Feet

So, back from Haiti and I could not miss it more!  This a picture is the last that I was able to capture while we were leaving.  This very moment is when I realized, I had to go back.

The Lord did so much to my heart during this trip, but has continued to do so much more since I have been back.  My worship, prayers, and thought has completely changed over the weeks.  My eyes were opened to so much that needed to change in myself and that was incredibly humbling.  I realized how much I live for myself and every decision I make with only myself in mind.  In Haiti I have never felt more unattractive.  I was sweaty from the time I woke up, through most of the night when I slept.  My hair was always nappy.  I wore extremely dirty clothes  2 and 3 times in a row. But at the same time, I have never been happier.  Loving on these orphans who have had nothing but letdowns and abuse since birth, was the best feeling.  I completely forgot about myself and it was so easy to do this with the 31 kids. They not only know they are safe but that they are SO loved by Christ and the people around them.

My heart broke when we left.  I hate a broken heart!  But this was one that had to happen for me personally.  On one of the flights back, I was listening to my iPod and a song came on that I had listened to over and over but this time it struck me totally different.  Every word was exactly what my heart felt.  One line more than anything grabbed me; "Why don't you break my heart till it moves my hands and feet".  I realized that the Lord allowed my heart to break so that I would do something!  Something not for myself.  He is so kind to allow us to experience heartbreak when it is for his glory and our good.

So, this brings me to the reason I am blogging.  Not only is this a way for me to keep friends and family up-to-date on the road of going back to Haiti, but the thought of one unbeliever coming to Christ by hearing his goodness just in my life makes my storytelling all worth it!  I want to go ahead and say that I have possibly the worst grammar and spelling…please don't judge me!  To think that I have to learn another language when I am in Haiti makes me laugh…I barely speak good English!

UPDATE! Here is where I am as of now with my "journey" back to Haiti.  I emailed one of the missionaries less than 48 hours after being back in the states asking when could I come back and for how long…and if there was even a need for me there.  She responded and was beyond encouraging and comforted me by basically telling me I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I felt.  She emailed an application, and took about 3 weeks to hear back.  I AM GOING BACK!  The dates have not been determined but I will be there for 3 to 4 months I think.  As far as what I will be doing…great question!  I wont really know until I am settled in but I will be helping the missionaries do whatever they need help with.  What are my expectations you ask?  I hope to have a better vision of where God wants me long term…I am so open to being there full time…I just want to see what way I can serve best and where.  Prayer has been the most important thing for me throughout all of this.  There is so much that I will need to have taken care of while I am gone, but God has more than proven his faithfulness already so I have no reason to worry!  What a relief!  

I am so excited to see where God puts me and how he uses me.  Nothing about Haiti is what I thought I would ever be passionate about.  The joy, when I was there, was unlike anything I have ever experienced...and I long for that again!  That kind of joy only comes from the Lord!  I'M MOVING TO HAITI!!!!! 

LB