Thursday, March 7, 2013
Spajamas and Duck Dynasty
My last day as a 26 year old was wonderful! Spent all day with my nephew Judd and niece Lillie Anne. We missed Anslee Claire but had a great day in our "spajamas" (as Judd calls them) while cuddling and watching Duck Dynasty reruns. I love being an aunt and today was perfect doing nothing. Looking forward to many more days like today!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
J'Bo!
Thankful for a sister-in-law that is by far one of my best friends. Therapy yesterday with Jessica Bobel was wonderful and I am very thankful for her and her Psychology major :)....it IS coming in handy! I don't openly share whats going on in my life with many people especially in my family but Jessica is the lucky one that hears it all. Thankful for her wisdom and gift of understanding. Love you!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
So forgetful of His goodness
James 1:2-4
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Recently, I have been reading passages on suffering because I can easily relate to difficult times right now. Realizing that no matter what the struggle is, be it a death in the family, financial bind, illness, heartache over something, etc, pain and suffering is felt at 100% by the person experiencing whatever hardship. For me, it is so easy to compare my struggles to others either in they don't understand what I am going through, or this person has more problems than me...why am I having such a hard time with this situation. This scripture says it all right here in verse 2 "when you meet trials of various kinds"...covering every hardship. Going on to verse 3 says "for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness". I could be wrong but I interpret this to be any trial we face is only to produce spiritual maturity and that suffering is the only way we are able to spiritually mature. This makes it no easier (for me) to swallow and persevere to see that this is only a season. Seasons are for change and they are only temporary. This time for me is a season of change in everything. From change in career, relationships, to my age...all changing in a very short time. For someone who hates confrontation with people, I have no problem confronting God with anything. In all of this I have seen my own prayers being answered but I am having difficulty in the way these prayers are being answered. I understand "be careful what you wish for...you just might get it all"...I don't know who said that or if I am making that up but it makes sense right now. My care group can vouch for me. We prayed a little less than a year ago that God get me out of my job situation and put me on a mission field...um done. Also, prayed that God would surround me with godly people..and done. I have never been a part of such a close knit community of believers as I have been blessed in the last 3 years. The girlfriends that I have right now are like my sisters and I don't deserve any of them. God has continued to shower me with grace and I continue to throw it in the back of my mind and zoom in on what isn't going my way like a job, relationships, and the fact that I'm not getting any younger! Talk about revealing idols in my life...holy cow!
All that being said, James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. God is good and that is not dependent on how I see my current circumstances. Thankful for God's unchanging love and grace on a person that is so forgetful of his goodness!
Snowing all day yesterday and I looked out to see this sweet little red bird sitting on the bird house. Just another reason to be thankful!
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Recently, I have been reading passages on suffering because I can easily relate to difficult times right now. Realizing that no matter what the struggle is, be it a death in the family, financial bind, illness, heartache over something, etc, pain and suffering is felt at 100% by the person experiencing whatever hardship. For me, it is so easy to compare my struggles to others either in they don't understand what I am going through, or this person has more problems than me...why am I having such a hard time with this situation. This scripture says it all right here in verse 2 "when you meet trials of various kinds"...covering every hardship. Going on to verse 3 says "for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness". I could be wrong but I interpret this to be any trial we face is only to produce spiritual maturity and that suffering is the only way we are able to spiritually mature. This makes it no easier (for me) to swallow and persevere to see that this is only a season. Seasons are for change and they are only temporary. This time for me is a season of change in everything. From change in career, relationships, to my age...all changing in a very short time. For someone who hates confrontation with people, I have no problem confronting God with anything. In all of this I have seen my own prayers being answered but I am having difficulty in the way these prayers are being answered. I understand "be careful what you wish for...you just might get it all"...I don't know who said that or if I am making that up but it makes sense right now. My care group can vouch for me. We prayed a little less than a year ago that God get me out of my job situation and put me on a mission field...um done. Also, prayed that God would surround me with godly people..and done. I have never been a part of such a close knit community of believers as I have been blessed in the last 3 years. The girlfriends that I have right now are like my sisters and I don't deserve any of them. God has continued to shower me with grace and I continue to throw it in the back of my mind and zoom in on what isn't going my way like a job, relationships, and the fact that I'm not getting any younger! Talk about revealing idols in my life...holy cow!
All that being said, James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. God is good and that is not dependent on how I see my current circumstances. Thankful for God's unchanging love and grace on a person that is so forgetful of his goodness!
Snowing all day yesterday and I looked out to see this sweet little red bird sitting on the bird house. Just another reason to be thankful!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Much to be thankful for!
Thank you, Lord, for giving me an interview for a position I am actually excited about! Job hunting is a job in itself but today I couldn't wait to go on this interview. I am SO ready to be working again but have been thankful for the time I've had off. I have never looked so hard for a job but nothing has opened up. What a relief to even get an interview!
I didnt get a chance to write about my "God thing" yesterday but I am so blessed to have listened to a podcast yesterday that has really stuck with me. To quote Ray Ortlund " When life is hell and nothing is going right, AND you're experiencing God's nearness deep within, the reality is...THATS HEAVEN ON EARTH!". Man thats so good and really helps me look at my current season of life in a way that I wouldn't have.
God IS good...regardless of my circumstances and I have much to be thankful for!
I didnt get a chance to write about my "God thing" yesterday but I am so blessed to have listened to a podcast yesterday that has really stuck with me. To quote Ray Ortlund " When life is hell and nothing is going right, AND you're experiencing God's nearness deep within, the reality is...THATS HEAVEN ON EARTH!". Man thats so good and really helps me look at my current season of life in a way that I wouldn't have.
God IS good...regardless of my circumstances and I have much to be thankful for!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Burr Rabbit!
Today, being unemployed has played to my advantage! As much as I would like to have a job...well an income...I secretly LOVE not having a job right now! What a cold, wet, and gloomy day. Perfect recipe for a book, coffee, and a blanket on the couch. So today, I did as this day called and enjoyed the day at home in my pj's reading a book that I cant get enough of! Great book and a great looking cover...Must be a brilliant graphic designer behind this book cover (Brian Bobel-Dual Identity).
Thankful I can enjoy the little things in life
Thankful I can enjoy the little things in life
Monday, February 25, 2013
I'm baaaack!
Gonna to cut to the chase here: As many of you already know I am home early from Haiti. To say that things didn't quite go as I had hoped is an understatement. I don't know that I am ready to share details of the hardships that I experienced but I believe I will eventually get to where I can open up about it more. This announcement is something I have avoided for a while because of the awkwardness but I have managed to draw it out so long that it may be more awkward now...awesome!
I thought I would be blogging more about Haiti but the plans have changed a bit, I guess. The last 2 months have been the hardest months of my life and the best all at the same time. If you have read my week 1 blog then you know how hard that was for me. The rest of my time there went that times 10, plus the exhaustion didn't help. I met some remarkable people that work at the orphanage and I cannot tell you how much I admire them for what they do. Its far from an easy task to live there (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) but they do it! I can only imagine the crowns they will be given in heaven!
I in no way doubt the call from God for me to go to Haiti because I know things happened in order for me to go that honestly should not have happened. My attitude almost the entire time I have been home has been that of Debbie Downer! Gross! It has been so natural and easy for me to be mad at God and ask him "What in the world have you done? I gave up everything (ok, not everything) to obey the call, it failed, and I am home with no vision to what you are doing!". A week ago I had a wonderful opportunity to meet with a man who knew everything that went on in Haiti and he knows first hand and thing or two about Haiti himself. I see this man every week...one of the most genuine people I have ever met. He was able to relate to me on Haiti in a way most aren't able to relate. Little did I know, this man knows suffering on a level that you wish you knew it but hoped you never had learn the way he did (unfortunately it doesn't happen that way). This man was put in prison for something that ultimately was not guilty for. His words after he told me his story was incredible. He said he would not take anything for the 3 years he spent in prison. This man has seen this devastating experience as a total gift from God. This is true Christian suffering. I had just been reading the book of Job 1:6-12 that morning. To quickly summarize, God gives Satan permission to test Job but also tells Satan what he can and cannot do to Job. The only reason God allowed Satan to do this is because God knew that this would do the very opposite of what Satan was trying to accomplish. Job never knew why but had faith...and we are able to read about him a few thousand years later. Amazing!
I know I am rambling but I am going somewhere here! Since things in Haiti didn't turn out like I had hoped, this blog is also turning out a little differently. I have zoomed in on the things that aren't going the way I think they should, so I want to start focusing on the things that I have been blessed with. To hold me accountable, I'm going to use this blog daily to track the "God things" in my life.
February 25- I was able to meet with a lady that I admire so much and she has been so kind to be a mentor to me. Thankful for this woman and her lovely family! By the way, V- the CD's are wonderful...I sat in the driveway because I couldn't stop listening! You are a blessing!
I thought I would be blogging more about Haiti but the plans have changed a bit, I guess. The last 2 months have been the hardest months of my life and the best all at the same time. If you have read my week 1 blog then you know how hard that was for me. The rest of my time there went that times 10, plus the exhaustion didn't help. I met some remarkable people that work at the orphanage and I cannot tell you how much I admire them for what they do. Its far from an easy task to live there (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) but they do it! I can only imagine the crowns they will be given in heaven!
I in no way doubt the call from God for me to go to Haiti because I know things happened in order for me to go that honestly should not have happened. My attitude almost the entire time I have been home has been that of Debbie Downer! Gross! It has been so natural and easy for me to be mad at God and ask him "What in the world have you done? I gave up everything (ok, not everything) to obey the call, it failed, and I am home with no vision to what you are doing!". A week ago I had a wonderful opportunity to meet with a man who knew everything that went on in Haiti and he knows first hand and thing or two about Haiti himself. I see this man every week...one of the most genuine people I have ever met. He was able to relate to me on Haiti in a way most aren't able to relate. Little did I know, this man knows suffering on a level that you wish you knew it but hoped you never had learn the way he did (unfortunately it doesn't happen that way). This man was put in prison for something that ultimately was not guilty for. His words after he told me his story was incredible. He said he would not take anything for the 3 years he spent in prison. This man has seen this devastating experience as a total gift from God. This is true Christian suffering. I had just been reading the book of Job 1:6-12 that morning. To quickly summarize, God gives Satan permission to test Job but also tells Satan what he can and cannot do to Job. The only reason God allowed Satan to do this is because God knew that this would do the very opposite of what Satan was trying to accomplish. Job never knew why but had faith...and we are able to read about him a few thousand years later. Amazing!
I know I am rambling but I am going somewhere here! Since things in Haiti didn't turn out like I had hoped, this blog is also turning out a little differently. I have zoomed in on the things that aren't going the way I think they should, so I want to start focusing on the things that I have been blessed with. To hold me accountable, I'm going to use this blog daily to track the "God things" in my life.
February 25- I was able to meet with a lady that I admire so much and she has been so kind to be a mentor to me. Thankful for this woman and her lovely family! By the way, V- the CD's are wonderful...I sat in the driveway because I couldn't stop listening! You are a blessing!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Week 1- How long, O Lord?
My first week at Hands and Feet in Grand Goave is complete and the start of my second is here. The week started out rough in the traveling here. I will be the first to go on the record and say that I loathe the Port Au Prince airport. Don't go by yourself unless you have thick skin. A team came in the same day I did so I was able to do basically a mission trip with them. They were great people and was so thankful to meet them. A few things that we did was just painting around the orphanage mostly then one day went up to the new location about a mile up the road and helped lay the concrete for the foundation...by hand! We literally made long lines and we passed buckets with concrete down the line. It was brutal but so much fun to work with the Haitians on that. No one knew what each other was saying but somehow there was order and understanding...I love when that happens. The team left out Friday morning and to be honest, I so wanted to go home with them.
I am in a really dark place right now. I have had more downtime than I am use to and that gives me more time to miss everyone at home. I don't feel a calling here anymore and truthfully didnt at about a month before I left. I am praying that God will comfort me and its not happening...at all. I am in the word multiple times daily and although I am reading what I know to be true, I just dont feel it at the time. I dont feel like I can be used here. The language barrier is more difficult than it was the first time I was here. My head pounds at the end of each day I think from concentrating on them speaking and trying to understand. The joy that I experienced the first time is not here and that was something I didn't expect. I am an emotional ticking time bomb and when I feel a meltdown I head to my room which takes time away from me being with the kids. The kids are great and the missionaries (Angie and Andrew) are phenomenal! If it wasnt for them and Angie listening to me breakdown, I would be home right now.
I didnt expect things to be easy. I knew I would be up for a fight in knowing why I am here but I also felt like I could feel the comfort from the one who sent me here. Last night I was able to skype with my care group back home. You guys are awesome and I truly did not realize until this week how blessed I am to have people that I can be completely honest on where I am in my life...no matter how high or how low I am. They gave me verse after verse to confirm that I am where I am supposed to be although I don't feel that. I wish I could remember who gave me this one because this is exactly how I feel:
Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him," lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.
This week I am hoping to start a Bible study with the girls...I hope for 2 nights a week. I want to take the relationships here deeper and I cant think of a better way. Pray this is well received with the girls!
I want to enjoy it here and be used but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...I have such a long way left to go! This week is a new week and this morning is a new morning. Please pray for strength...I am all out! Thank you for all the encouragement you have given me so far...it means more than you know!
LB
Me and Emmanuel...Sweet boy!
I am in a really dark place right now. I have had more downtime than I am use to and that gives me more time to miss everyone at home. I don't feel a calling here anymore and truthfully didnt at about a month before I left. I am praying that God will comfort me and its not happening...at all. I am in the word multiple times daily and although I am reading what I know to be true, I just dont feel it at the time. I dont feel like I can be used here. The language barrier is more difficult than it was the first time I was here. My head pounds at the end of each day I think from concentrating on them speaking and trying to understand. The joy that I experienced the first time is not here and that was something I didn't expect. I am an emotional ticking time bomb and when I feel a meltdown I head to my room which takes time away from me being with the kids. The kids are great and the missionaries (Angie and Andrew) are phenomenal! If it wasnt for them and Angie listening to me breakdown, I would be home right now.
I didnt expect things to be easy. I knew I would be up for a fight in knowing why I am here but I also felt like I could feel the comfort from the one who sent me here. Last night I was able to skype with my care group back home. You guys are awesome and I truly did not realize until this week how blessed I am to have people that I can be completely honest on where I am in my life...no matter how high or how low I am. They gave me verse after verse to confirm that I am where I am supposed to be although I don't feel that. I wish I could remember who gave me this one because this is exactly how I feel:
Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him," lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.
This week I am hoping to start a Bible study with the girls...I hope for 2 nights a week. I want to take the relationships here deeper and I cant think of a better way. Pray this is well received with the girls!
I want to enjoy it here and be used but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...I have such a long way left to go! This week is a new week and this morning is a new morning. Please pray for strength...I am all out! Thank you for all the encouragement you have given me so far...it means more than you know!
LB
Me and Emmanuel...Sweet boy!
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